Here it is Friday and I have to say, this has been a good week. I've started biking to the bus station again every day (started a week ago today). I rent a bike locker for $5.00 a month and I pay every 6 months, I bike from my house to the station and lock my bike up in the locker then ride the bus into downtown Minneapolis to work. The ride to the station is really not bad, a few rolling small hills but mostly down hill. You know what that means right? Going home is all UP hill. Very up hill. It is definately a work out for sure. 15 minutes in the morning to get there and 35-40 to get home. LOL. It kills! However I will say this...no matter HOW bad it hurts, how much my lungs feel like they can't pull enough air in to keep me going or that they've completely given up and I've got to turn around and go pick them up again from where they dropped out of my chest. No matter what...3 minutes after getting home and unloading my gear...I feel amazing! There is nothing like this feeling and I think it's what makes me come back the next day to do it all over again.
The beginning of the week started with some man shouting and laughing at me out his car window at 4:30 in the morning as I am biking and he's going the opposite direction. Hurt my feelings for sure but you know what...he sees some fat chick in day-glo yellow jacket on a bike and I see some ignorant S.O.B trying to emotionaly knock me down to make himself feel better. I will not always be this fat chick but I would venture to say he will always be an ignorat S.O.B. Nuff said.
As mid week approached I started finding myself feeling very thankful for the people in my life. Not many of you know this but I am married to a wonderful man but he is not my first husband. I was married before for 13 years. He (my ex) remarried as well a year or two ago and had another child. I was devestated, sad, angry... you name it, I felt it. Not because he remarried, I wished him all the best on that front and hoped he'd finally found what I had. It was the child. I had ALWAYS wanted another child and he forbid it. It was one of the bigger nails in the coffin that now holds that time of my life. I refused to get to know the woman he married. I was so jealous. Overcome with it. My whole person was riddled with jealously and it ate me alive. I blamed her for the hate and anger I was feeling when it wasn't her at all...it was me. Eventually I let it all go and have since gotten to know her as a person and I think she has to be one of the sweetest most genuine people I have ever met. I regret the time wasted feeling such negative emotions. Thanks Susan for being so patient with me...I am a work in progress for sure.
As the week trudged on and life tossed granades in my path...God decided to see what I was made of as well... As some may already know, Minnesota has seen some pretty crazy weather for sure. People always say "if you don't like the weather here, just wait 10 minutes, it will change!". They aren't kidding. Saturday last week we went biking and we had to bundle up because it was FREEZING. 3 days later we had weather in the 97's...I was biking HOME (remember, up hill)...it was like 96 degrees outside and we had 40 mph winds ALL day. It was amazing. It looked over cast outside but what it really was was dirt and crap in the air due to such high winds. So I am biking home in this heat, with these winds and I was refusing to give up! The hills were killers to begin with but NOTHING like when we had those winds, I thought I was going to die. Even the downhills were tough because the winds kept me from picking up speed. At one hill the wind was gusting so long that it held me in place practically! I was pedaling my heart out and not getting ANYWHERE...I just broke out laughing, I am SURE I was quite the sight to behold!
Late Wednesday afternoon after getting home my daughter met me at the door and she was wearing a shirt I hadn't seen in forever. I knew my darling daughter has been putting on a LOT of weight over the last couple of years but she tends to wear big shirts etc and you don't really notice it. Well I did this day. She's really gotten big and it breaks my heart because I remember comments made to me as I was a teen growing up, comments made by people I loved, people who meant well but those comments still hurt and they still left a hole just as if they had nailed a nail into a plank of wood...take the nail away and the hole is still there. I swore then and there that I would never do that to a child of mine. Later that evening I talked to David about it (he is also a big man and taking this life changing journey with me) and asked if he felt we could find a way to squeeze in money in our budget to pay for a YMCA membership for the family. We belonged a few years back but stopped due to money. He said we'd find a way together.
...Well at work on Thursday I called and a family membership to the "Y" is 105.00 a month. With our insurance if we go 8 times a month we get 40.00 off. My quest...can we find 105.00 a month. I went to my banks website and exported all transactions from April 1st to May 18th. Gave EVERYTHING a category, for example: any food consumed not at home was given "Take Out". Money spent at the grocery store or butcher "Grocery". Monthly bills that are budgeted are given a main category of "Bill" with a sub category of Payee. So on and so forth. This took me quite a bit of time but when I was done I was shocked, embarrased and sick to my stomach. From April 1st to May 18th we spent: Take out - $708.00 ; Groceries - $1,108.00...I didn't go any further. We budget 120.00 a week for groceries...so for 6 weeks that should only have been $720.00 at most...and Take out?! OMG! If we can "afford" and I use that term lightly because we OBVIOUSLY can't if we are struggling to pay the bills....but if we can "afford" 708.00 dollars to eat food that is KILLING us we sure as SHOOTIN' can pay 105.00 to go to the YMCA. Talk about eye opening.
So that brings me to Friday...David gave me $5.00 on Monday, I have $4.00 left and I really wanted to go buy a bagel (I have peanut butter at my desk)...but after much consideration I opted for a rice cake with peanut butter on it, which I already have and saved the $4.00 (and 320 calories that I would have consumed on that bagel...not counting the peanut butter). I feel good about that! Very good. I had a nice ride in this morning and I am looking forward to the challanging ride home this afternoon. I feel good...I feel happy.
Happy Friday!!!
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